I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, Melis Layik, 19, a vegan university student left Q&A speechless after revealing a bully broke into her campus accommodation and threw raw meat at her as she slept. Shock and horror, Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. First of all get a load of this sheila Layik, she’s got legs right out of Pretty Woman. If this ain’t a publicity stunt to get a fashion gig, well I’ll be damned. Those dumb arses at Q&A took her question seriously. Mate, why would ya leave a horse’s heart at her college door and not a horse’s head unless the bully is in reality a love struck loon whose soul was sad and whose glance was glum who sipped a cup of love sick wine and who craved a naughty, as he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Folks, the world was a pretty happy place until the feminists took over; we’ve had fifty years of it. Isn’t it about time we had a review of the damn thing. It seems to have become crazier and crazier as the years go by. In the beginning, I always thought there was good reason why the world was organised the way it was and then the feminists started their nonsense. It seemed to be that our earthly fathers, the wise old men of the community, couldn’t seem to remember why women should remain in the home as good mothers to their children. We had about seventy years of communism; then one day someone in Russia woke up to the fact, after billions of roubles had been wasted and billions of lives had been destroyed, that communism wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. It didn’t deliver man from the daily drudge. In fact, it ground him further into the mire of despair. Did any of you watch Christine Blasey Ford? This woman has clear mental health issues. She has no grasp of reality. She is living in a fog of deranged feminist ideology, a dupe ready to throw her life and reputation away to further the cause. This woman, Ford, is no different from the female hysterics who threw themselves in front of race horses at Epsom. Why would you go on national TV and swear an oath and give evidence of an event that was thirty years old to which there was not a shred of corroboration. Now Senator Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., 69, a geriatric for Christ sake, says she’s going to run in the 2020 Presidential elections. She was decrying President Trump and Senate Republicans for digging in behind Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, the embattled Supreme Court nominee who has been accused of sexual assault. If an individual is sexually assaulted, he or she should report the matter immediately to the police; not wait thirty years to make some dumb arsed statement for political or ideological reasons, which cannot be corroborated. Capiche!
Folks, just as I started to settle down after a tumultuous, tsunami of shocks and outrages, I come to find I’ve been sat right down in the shit again without a by your leave. There’s whiskey in the jar, he shouted. Pour yaself a dram or two, bro. Who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? Manspreaders, the dirty buggers. Keep ya legs together ya brazen hussy, ya jezebel. Ya the whore of Babylon, bejesus. Ya made me drunk with the wine of her fornication. You’re a manspreader, the mother of harlots and an abomination of the earth. The solution to the problem is according to the femo-nazis, squirting a solution on the trouser area covering the man’s genitals. There goes my only possession; there goes my everything. One banana, two bananas, who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? What did Freud call it? Penis envy!
Folks, I’ve had a few shocks this week. I seem to be havin ’em quite frequently lately, perhaps if I let go of the electric cord, things might settle down a bit. The hands on the clock keep a-goin round; I just get up and it’s time to lay down. Life gets tee-jus, don’t it, hmm. Of course, the biggest shock of all has been Australian comedian Hannah Gadbsy appearance at the 2018 Emmy Awards on Tuesday. Who’d have thought Gadbsy would get a run, an androgynous hippopotamus. It only goes to show what a bunch of bananas the Emmy Awards are. A couple of okies went on twitter ravin about her. Although she a man-hater, a misandrist, she must have been squeezing someone’s white banana blue and smokin banana peels.
Liberal MP Ann Sudmalis has delivered a blistering attack on her colleague Gareth Ward and the NSW Liberal Party over claims of bullying and intimidation. Bully for her, tittle-tattle, yackety-yak goes Mrs Scuttlebutt. What a beauty Newk, she went berko over the berley scattered in her electorate.
The kind of women who would rather mow the lawn with their teeth than … Oranges and lemons, say the bells of St. Clement’s. Yes! We have no bananas, we have-a no bananas today. We have coconuts, walnuts and doughnuts but we have no bananas only all sorts of nuts. Female nuts with vaginal teeth, monkey nuts, parliamentary nuts, Labor nuts, Senate nuts and female Liberal party nuts, there ain’t many nuts like them. Ms Julia Baird writing in the Canberra Times said Liberal women are, finally, and spectacularly, rebelling. Hoorah for Julia. What we don’t need in Parliament she added is any bananas; they have been found to have too much testosterone, infertile rhetoric, too short in the dangle, too much bully round the head and ooze too many red-herrings. What we need Ms Baird said is more women, glorious women, bright and cheeky gals who can cock their arse at any ole bloke. There ya go, take it from the horse’s mouth!
In a match against Swedish Johanna Larson, French tennis player Aliza Cornet used the break to change into a new shirt. After returning to the court and realising it was on backwards, Cornet pulled it off and promptly put it on the right way. The chair umpire, Christian Rask, then gave her a code violation. Technicality and rules aside, one thing is clear: it would have been less likely for Cornet to cop this violation if she had been a male. May be so, but Ms Cornet has tits and they should remain in her shirt, said Dr Titslinger.