Folks, just as I started to settle down after a tumultuous, tsunami of shocks and outrages, I come to find I’ve been sat right down in the shit again without a by your leave. There’s whiskey in the jar, he shouted. Pour yaself a dram or two, bro. Who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? Manspreaders, the dirty buggers. Keep ya legs together ya brazen hussy, ya jezebel. Ya the whore of Babylon, bejesus. Ya made me drunk with the wine of her fornication. You’re a manspreader, the mother of harlots and an abomination of the earth. The solution to the problem is according to the femo-nazis, squirting a solution on the trouser area covering the man’s genitals. There goes my only possession; there goes my everything. One banana, two bananas, who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? What did Freud call it? Penis envy!
Folks, I’ve had a few shocks this week. I seem to be havin ’em quite frequently lately, perhaps if I let go of the electric cord, things might settle down a bit. The hands on the clock keep a-goin round; I just get up and it’s time to lay down. Life gets tee-jus, don’t it, hmm. Of course, the biggest shock of all has been Australian comedian Hannah Gadbsy appearance at the 2018 Emmy Awards on Tuesday. Who’d have thought Gadbsy would get a run, an androgynous hippopotamus. It only goes to show what a bunch of bananas the Emmy Awards are. A couple of okies went on twitter ravin about her. Although she a man-hater, a misandrist, she must have been squeezing someone’s white banana blue and smokin banana peels.
Liberal MP Ann Sudmalis has delivered a blistering attack on her colleague Gareth Ward and the NSW Liberal Party over claims of bullying and intimidation. Bully for her, tittle-tattle, yackety-yak goes Mrs Scuttlebutt. What a beauty Newk, she went berko over the berley scattered in her electorate.
The kind of women who would rather mow the lawn with their teeth than … Oranges and lemons, say the bells of St. Clement’s. Yes! We have no bananas, we have-a no bananas today. We have coconuts, walnuts and doughnuts but we have no bananas only all sorts of nuts. Female nuts with vaginal teeth, monkey nuts, parliamentary nuts, Labor nuts, Senate nuts and female Liberal party nuts, there ain’t many nuts like them. Ms Julia Baird writing in the Canberra Times said Liberal women are, finally, and spectacularly, rebelling. Hoorah for Julia. What we don’t need in Parliament she added is any bananas; they have been found to have too much testosterone, infertile rhetoric, too short in the dangle, too much bully round the head and ooze too many red-herrings. What we need Ms Baird said is more women, glorious women, bright and cheeky gals who can cock their arse at any ole bloke. There ya go, take it from the horse’s mouth!
In a match against Swedish Johanna Larson, French tennis player Aliza Cornet used the break to change into a new shirt. After returning to the court and realising it was on backwards, Cornet pulled it off and promptly put it on the right way. The chair umpire, Christian Rask, then gave her a code violation. Technicality and rules aside, one thing is clear: it would have been less likely for Cornet to cop this violation if she had been a male. May be so, but Ms Cornet has tits and they should remain in her shirt, said Dr Titslinger.
Catherine McGregor, thar she blows, heave away, haul away, we’re bound for heaven, BLT sexuality and gender fluidity. Mr/Ms McGregor writing in the SMH has come forward with an insightful diatribe about the Liberal Party. Fair suck of the sav! What would she know, some jumped up okie from the left of Titsville. She says Dog-whistling on race and gender, shrill squealing about “identity” politics, is that all that’s left? The game is up. Maybe even the party is over. Give’s a break and catch the next train to Heelsville.
Top the morning to ya all. How long have you been waiting to hear the #MeToo movement was bullsh*t? Too long, I suspect. Well Macquarie Bank’s Wall Street office has got a ruling from an American court that claims of sexual harassment by Khristina McLaughlin against Macquarie were those of a vindictive and extortionate employee. It was held that McLaughlin misrepresented her consensual affair with Robert Ansell, her boss by lying about it to extract a payout and launching a “misleading and salacious” lawsuit for publicity. There ya go, bullsh*t was all the band could play.