Folks, I’ve had a few shocks this week. I seem to be havin ’em quite frequently lately, perhaps if I let go of the electric cord, things might settle down a bit. The hands on the clock keep a-goin round; I just get up and it’s time to lay down. Life gets tee-jus, don’t it, hmm. Of course, the biggest shock of all has been Australian comedian Hannah Gadbsy appearance at the 2018 Emmy Awards on Tuesday. Who’d have thought Gadbsy would get a run, an androgynous hippopotamus. It only goes to show what a bunch of bananas the Emmy Awards are. A couple of okies went on twitter ravin about her. Although she a man-hater, a misandrist, she must have been squeezing someone’s white banana blue and smokin banana peels.
Liberal MP Ann Sudmalis has delivered a blistering attack on her colleague Gareth Ward and the NSW Liberal Party over claims of bullying and intimidation. Bully for her, tittle-tattle, yackety-yak goes Mrs Scuttlebutt. What a beauty Newk, she went berko over the berley scattered in her electorate.
The kind of women who would rather mow the lawn with their teeth than … Oranges and lemons, say the bells of St. Clement’s. Yes! We have no bananas, we have-a no bananas today. We have coconuts, walnuts and doughnuts but we have no bananas only all sorts of nuts. Female nuts with vaginal teeth, monkey nuts, parliamentary nuts, Labor nuts, Senate nuts and female Liberal party nuts, there ain’t many nuts like them. Ms Julia Baird writing in the Canberra Times said Liberal women are, finally, and spectacularly, rebelling. Hoorah for Julia. What we don’t need in Parliament she added is any bananas; they have been found to have too much testosterone, infertile rhetoric, too short in the dangle, too much bully round the head and ooze too many red-herrings. What we need Ms Baird said is more women, glorious women, bright and cheeky gals who can cock their arse at any ole bloke. There ya go, take it from the horse’s mouth!
In a match against Swedish Johanna Larson, French tennis player Aliza Cornet used the break to change into a new shirt. After returning to the court and realising it was on backwards, Cornet pulled it off and promptly put it on the right way. The chair umpire, Christian Rask, then gave her a code violation. Technicality and rules aside, one thing is clear: it would have been less likely for Cornet to cop this violation if she had been a male. May be so, but Ms Cornet has tits and they should remain in her shirt, said Dr Titslinger.
Catherine McGregor, thar she blows, heave away, haul away, we’re bound for heaven, BLT sexuality and gender fluidity. Mr/Ms McGregor writing in the SMH has come forward with an insightful diatribe about the Liberal Party. Fair suck of the sav! What would she know, some jumped up okie from the left of Titsville. She says Dog-whistling on race and gender, shrill squealing about “identity” politics, is that all that’s left? The game is up. Maybe even the party is over. Give’s a break and catch the next train to Heelsville.
Top the morning to ya all. How long have you been waiting to hear the #MeToo movement was bullsh*t? Too long, I suspect. Well Macquarie Bank’s Wall Street office has got a ruling from an American court that claims of sexual harassment by Khristina McLaughlin against Macquarie were those of a vindictive and extortionate employee. It was held that McLaughlin misrepresented her consensual affair with Robert Ansell, her boss by lying about it to extract a payout and launching a “misleading and salacious” lawsuit for publicity. There ya go, bullsh*t was all the band could play.
Tziporah Malkah aka Kate Fisher, she’s the one who at thirteen won a Dolly modelling competition and then for the next 20 years cocked her arse on the catwalk at all and sundry, thank ya mother for the rabbits, know what I mean, nudge, nudge, know what I mean. Married James Packer and walked away with a million dollar settlement; relocated to Los Angeles, changing her name to Tziporah Malkah because she’s a Jew (Springtime For Hitler), then was ripped off not by the neo-Nazis but by a Rabbi boyfriend, returning to Australia in 2011 broke and broken. Born with a silver spoon in her mouth suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; she descended into hell; on the third day she rose again from the dead; and ascended into a White Caravan and is seated at the right hand of Juliet Potter. What’s her beef? James Packer is praised because he fessed up to being a depressive while she has been called a crazy old fat bag has-been. It not kosher she said, Mr Packer, a white male is getting all the sympathy.
Folks, the story use to run as follows: little boys are made of slugs and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails, while little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Now we’ve all heard of the ugly American, but what about the ugly feminist? You know the feminazi. Are you thinking the same thing I’m thinking? Clementine Ford, no not that faceache of a fruitcake; Labor MP Emma Husar. The wicked witch of the West, Dragon lady incorporated, pick up my dog shit or else cop it in the Khyber Pass. Doo Dah, doo dah, doo dah all day long, wash my undies you snivelling dog of a wimp. I’m a single mother on $200k a year, think of all the sacrifices I’ve made for you, you catch-fart of a lackey, you office drudge. Where’s my dry cleaning, dogsbody?
Folks, Kate Langbroek, I don’t get; she is neither smart nor funny. Yet there she sits bestride the media circus like some seasoned performer with a well loved routine and a punch line at the ready. Of course, she started off with Melbourne Community radio station Triple R, say no more, say no more. But there ya have it. However, what does that say for comedy in Australia? Nothing as far as I can see; it’s just a bunch of dumb broads talkin about their bodily functions, Wendy Hammer, Judith Lucy and Hannah Gadsby. Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes, and nothin else.
Senator Sarah Hanson-Young would be one of the most gutless politicians ever to grace the Senate. She shot her mouth off by accusing all men of being rapists in one of her ignorant rants. She is dumb as all shit. I don’t think there is a dumber broad in the Parliament than her. Now she drags her 11 year old daughter on national TV to make Mickey Mouse motherhood declarations about her mother’s probity, fairness and sincerity. When the daughter get bullied at school because she has a dumb arsed mother we’ll have to suffer another rant about bullies. Wake up Senator Sarah Hanson-Young and move back into the real world.