Amy Schumer is 36; you’d think she was 19 given the swank she puts on but she reaching the clapped-out use by date of 40 years. The sun comes up and the sun goes down; the hands on the clock keep a-goin’ ’round. Amy says the Harry/Meghan wedding will be a worst wedding! Old brown mule he must be sick, I jambed him in the rump with a pin on a stick and he humped his back but he wouldn’t kick. Oh Amy, Oh Amy you poor little darling. Are ya humpin days over? I think ya gettin’ a cold in ya nose. Life get tee-just don’t it?
Where the f**k are we? I hear ya say. If you’re on ya knees and someone’s knocking on ya Khyber Pass and you don’t have a ticket from the LGBT gauleiter, then I’m afraid ya in deep shit. This man has been before four courts and ultimately, he was found to be not guilty of any offence. The facts clearly demonstrate that Ms Saxon Mullins consented to the sexual congress of the type described in the evidence before the courts. Now you have Clementine Ford, Sydney Morning Herald arguing post-coital tristesse is a legitimate weapon to use against any man who may have been dumb enough to have had consensual sex with the prosecutrix. Chinks do it, Japs do it, up in Lapland little Laps do it… But if you go down in the woods today, take a hand full of consent form!
Catherine Deveny is a fishwife; not a comedian. She is about as funny as her horse’s arse is to look at, ten axe handle across and all cordite – likely to explode at any time. The traditional and well established treatment for nags and scolds was the ducking chair, dunk ’em high, dunk ’em low, dunk ’em in the old cesspool; oh what a mule she is. Bury my foot not on a lone prairie but in her never mind. Hooray for Deveny, she a horse’s arse, kick her in the old Khyber Pass; what ho! I say, I say; kick her in the old Khyber Pass.
Who f**kin cares. Mamamia (Fake News Incorporated) had nothing to do or say and the Editor couldn’t settle, so their star reporter, Sophie Aubrey, their all singing, all dancing quiz kid said, Please Miss, I know. Ms Editor replied, Sophie, we’re busy right now; so stick your finger back where ya had it and give’s a break. Please Miss, Sophie whined, Anne Boleyn was beheaded on 19 May 1536 and Harry and what’s her name, Meghan are getting married on 19 May 2018. Eureka, cried the Editor that’s it, more f**kin fake news.
Pooja Punjabi announced Swami Kutchakockoff would not be serving any old garden variety of curry at their new Ashram in Horsham. Only the kosher will do. It had been reported that a Jewish hamburger outlet in Horsham (The Jewish Front for Free Palestine, JFFP) had written on their fridge door No Curries Here, Argentina! Pooja said this was a total lie, we might do on a Friday night as a special, the odd halal curry but it will be only for our very special regular customers. What the ABC reported was a total beat up, not a word of it was true. Our curries are only made with genuine articles from the subcontinent.
One of the good things about Germaine Greer and I must add, there are very few, is that she lives and works in the UK and we only occasionally get to hear of her, which is a good thing all round. For if ever there was a full-on dumb arsed broad, you would need to look no further. How the world was hoodwinked by this charlatan of feminism and all things female, I cannot say, never has a greater piece of humbug ever been written than The Female Eunuch, a sophist’s delight; she rode to market on the fatted feminist pig while all the poor little Marylous are now condemned to a life of strap-ons, hairy armpits and arseholes and death in the arms of some vinegar faced lesbian. Yassmin Abdel-Magied could do us all a favour and piss off to pommy land and torment the poor bustards there.
Well folks the great Lisa Wilkinson is a floparoo, who would have thought that? The highest paid woman on Australian television, with a reported $2.3 million salary. As soon as Lisa hit the Project, its rating plummeted. What a too-do? Which can’t be true! Heighdy! heighdy! Misery me — lack-a-day-dee! Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum. When ya felling glum stick a finger in ya bum, Heighdy! heighdy! Lisa the One.