Folks, just as I started to settle down after a tumultuous, tsunami of shocks and outrages, I come to find I’ve been sat right down in the shit again without a by your leave. There’s whiskey in the jar, he shouted. Pour yaself a dram or two, bro. Who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? Manspreaders, the dirty buggers. Keep ya legs together ya brazen hussy, ya jezebel. Ya the whore of Babylon, bejesus. Ya made me drunk with the wine of her fornication. You’re a manspreader, the mother of harlots and an abomination of the earth. The solution to the problem is according to the femo-nazis, squirting a solution on the trouser area covering the man’s genitals. There goes my only possession; there goes my everything. One banana, two bananas, who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? What did Freud call it? Penis envy!