Amy Schumer is 36; you’d think she was 19 given the swank she puts on but she reaching the clapped-out use by date of 40 years. The sun comes up and the sun goes down; the hands on the clock keep a-goin’ ’round. Amy says the Harry/Meghan wedding will be a worst wedding! Old brown mule he must be sick, I jambed him in the rump with a pin on a stick and he humped his back but he wouldn’t kick. Oh Amy, Oh Amy you poor little darling. Are ya humpin days over? I think ya gettin’ a cold in ya nose. Life get tee-just don’t it?
Mauboy a Euro flop!
Oh dear, oh deary me, Jessica Mauboy is getting the treatment from all those nasty little racist Europeans. John Kennedy O’Connor said she was terrible, I thought, actually, she’d escaped from Wentworth and was doing cold turkey on stage. Der Spiegel suggested last week that her dress made her look like a dumpling. Oh dear, how true, those short little fat legs of hers, what a to-do, Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay! Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay! She too fat for me, has anybody here seen Kelly? She’s the one for me.
Mauboy left right out!
Jessica Mauboy wearing the same short purple dress she wore in the semi-final, was a floparoo; she went down like a lead balloon. Ho hum back to work we go. We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig, From early morn to night, We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig, Up everything in sight; Jessica Mauboy was not the trick.
Dolees to lose dole to fines!
Hundreds of thousands on the dole stand to lose their benefits if they have outstanding court fines or are on the run from the law. Good, best thing to happen since flogging was introduced. Hit ’em high, hit ’em low, hit ’em with the old debit card.
Wil Anderson, funny!
Who ever thought Wil Anderson was funny? Only the lonely, the f**kin ABC would. What a dropkick. He’s about has funny as a hat full of farts and just as smelly. Give him the gong and send him packin; he’s no fun.
Katy Gallagher out the door!
Here we go again, another top notched female apparatchik of the Labor party bites the dust-Katy Gallagher, Labor senator who was not an Australian citizen. Gough Whitlam was the great nationalist hero who said we had to dump all this pommy rot and be Australian. Here we have another pommy re-tread in the form of Katy Gallagher, clinging to her pommy boot straps like baby shit to a nappy, all the time drawing a big wage and allowances shouting her mouth off like some scold from Billingsgate fish markets. Then we have Penny Wong crying, she’s too good to lose. There came a girl from London, Who didn’t know how to dance,The only thing that she could do, Was hopping on one foot.
Ms Saxon Mullins and consent!
Where the f**k are we? I hear ya say. If you’re on ya knees and someone’s knocking on ya Khyber Pass and you don’t have a ticket from the LGBT gauleiter, then I’m afraid ya in deep shit. This man has been before four courts and ultimately, he was found to be not guilty of any offence. The facts clearly demonstrate that Ms Saxon Mullins consented to the sexual congress of the type described in the evidence before the courts. Now you have Clementine Ford, Sydney Morning Herald arguing post-coital tristesse is a legitimate weapon to use against any man who may have been dumb enough to have had consensual sex with the prosecutrix. Chinks do it, Japs do it, up in Lapland little Laps do it… But if you go down in the woods today, take a hand full of consent form!
Catherine Deveny is to debut in the Steatopygia Cup!
Catherine Deveny is a fishwife; not a comedian. She is about as funny as her horse’s arse is to look at, ten axe handle across and all cordite – likely to explode at any time. The traditional and well established treatment for nags and scolds was the ducking chair, dunk ’em high, dunk ’em low, dunk ’em in the old cesspool; oh what a mule she is. Bury my foot not on a lone prairie but in her never mind. Hooray for Deveny, she a horse’s arse, kick her in the old Khyber Pass; what ho! I say, I say; kick her in the old Khyber Pass.
Adam Goodes wont go away!
Adam Goodes is a true whinger in the traditional meaning of the Australian word. He and his ilk have never had it so good. Goodes was duped into thinking he was unique, something special and that the country owed him a living and gratitude for his ring craft. Goodes’ crime was that he brought the game of AFL into disrepute by his on-field antics. Tall poppies don’t last long in the Australian sun. Only a dumb arsed reporter like Caroline Wilson could write such crap.
19 May 1536 – What happened?
Who f**kin cares. Mamamia (Fake News Incorporated) had nothing to do or say and the Editor couldn’t settle, so their star reporter, Sophie Aubrey, their all singing, all dancing quiz kid said, Please Miss, I know. Ms Editor replied, Sophie, we’re busy right now; so stick your finger back where ya had it and give’s a break. Please Miss, Sophie whined, Anne Boleyn was beheaded on 19 May 1536 and Harry and what’s her name, Meghan are getting married on 19 May 2018. Eureka, cried the Editor that’s it, more f**kin fake news.
Paul Dillon Commentator and Author 