I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, Melis Layik, 19, a vegan university student left Q&A speechless after revealing a bully broke into her campus accommodation and threw raw meat at her as she slept. Shock and horror, Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. First of all get a load of this sheila Layik, she’s got legs right out of Pretty Woman. If this ain’t a publicity stunt to get a fashion gig, well I’ll be damned. Those dumb arses at Q&A took her question seriously. Mate, why would ya leave a horse’s heart at her college door and not a horse’s head unless the bully is in reality a love struck loon whose soul was sad and whose glance was glum who sipped a cup of love sick wine and who craved a naughty, as he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Folks, the world was a pretty happy place until the feminists took over; we’ve had fifty years of it. Isn’t it about time we had a review of the damn thing. It seems to have become crazier and crazier as the years go by. In the beginning, I always thought there was good reason why the world was organised the way it was and then the feminists started their nonsense. It seemed to be that our earthly fathers, the wise old men of the community, couldn’t seem to remember why women should remain in the home as good mothers to their children. We had about seventy years of communism; then one day someone in Russia woke up to the fact, after billions of roubles had been wasted and billions of lives had been destroyed, that communism wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. It didn’t deliver man from the daily drudge. In fact, it ground him further into the mire of despair. Did any of you watch Christine Blasey Ford? This woman has clear mental health issues. She has no grasp of reality. She is living in a fog of deranged feminist ideology, a dupe ready to throw her life and reputation away to further the cause. This woman, Ford, is no different from the female hysterics who threw themselves in front of race horses at Epsom. Why would you go on national TV and swear an oath and give evidence of an event that was thirty years old to which there was not a shred of corroboration. Now Senator Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., 69, a geriatric for Christ sake, says she’s going to run in the 2020 Presidential elections. She was decrying President Trump and Senate Republicans for digging in behind Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, the embattled Supreme Court nominee who has been accused of sexual assault. If an individual is sexually assaulted, he or she should report the matter immediately to the police; not wait thirty years to make some dumb arsed statement for political or ideological reasons, which cannot be corroborated. Capiche!
Folks, just as I started to settle down after a tumultuous, tsunami of shocks and outrages, I come to find I’ve been sat right down in the shit again without a by your leave. There’s whiskey in the jar, he shouted. Pour yaself a dram or two, bro. Who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? Manspreaders, the dirty buggers. Keep ya legs together ya brazen hussy, ya jezebel. Ya the whore of Babylon, bejesus. Ya made me drunk with the wine of her fornication. You’re a manspreader, the mother of harlots and an abomination of the earth. The solution to the problem is according to the femo-nazis, squirting a solution on the trouser area covering the man’s genitals. There goes my only possession; there goes my everything. One banana, two bananas, who’ll do me this time, who’ll do me now? What did Freud call it? Penis envy!
Independent Kerryn Phelps has lost her … what do ya call it? Never mind. That’s it: A-tisket a-tasket, a green and yellow basket. She lost it. A little Liberal picked it up and put it in his pocket. The dirty little dog said bow-wow! Dr Phelps said her doo dahs were stolen last night from New South Head Road. It is disgraceful conduct. To think a woman can’t leave her never minds out. These snowdroppers need to see a psychiatrist, she added.
Folks, Scott Morrison is in the shit again, he’s only hangin by his finger nails ya know, over Invasion Day, 26 January. He’s a big disgrace to the Aborigine race; he can’t ride a kangaroo (yeah, yeah) or make Kakadu stew. Claire Coleman, Ms Noongar, born in Perth away from her ancestral country, who has lived most of her life in Victoria and most of that in and around Melbourne, writing in the Guardian says 26 January, Invasion Day is Aborigine Day and you white fellows can go and get your own day, stuff you. Morrison has got it wrong – Aboriginal people, cannot and will not forget that date. Nor can they allow whites to celebrate it without resistance. Well folks, bully for Claire Coleman, Ms Noongar, but lets assume we, the whites, invaded Australia, which the High Court ruled we did not but simply settled, then didn’t we win the war? Football, meat pies, kangaroos and Holden cars; beauty Newk, throw another shrimp on the Barbie and tell us anothery dirty as buggery.
Folks, I’ve had a few shocks this week. I seem to be havin ’em quite frequently lately, perhaps if I let go of the electric cord, things might settle down a bit. The hands on the clock keep a-goin round; I just get up and it’s time to lay down. Life gets tee-jus, don’t it, hmm. Of course, the biggest shock of all has been Australian comedian Hannah Gadbsy appearance at the 2018 Emmy Awards on Tuesday. Who’d have thought Gadbsy would get a run, an androgynous hippopotamus. It only goes to show what a bunch of bananas the Emmy Awards are. A couple of okies went on twitter ravin about her. Although she a man-hater, a misandrist, she must have been squeezing someone’s white banana blue and smokin banana peels.
Folks, what does a child’s behaviour say about its parents? Woof, woof I suppose. No seriously, here we have a child, 9 year old Harper Nielsen, waging the tail of the education system in Queensland over the National Anthem because Harper believes it doesn’t include Aborigines. Aborigine me, Aborigine you, We’re not just the people who eat kangaroo. Pauline Hanson says “Here we have a kid who’s been brainwashed and I tell you what, I’d give her a kick up the backside.” Really the question is this: What does it say about the current state of Australian society and culture? This kid is either a two minute wonder or pain in the arse for ever and a day.
This old man, he played brass,
He played knick-knack on my arse;
With a knick-knack paddywhack,
Give a dog a bone,
This old man came rolling home.